- 2 days ago
- 2 days ago
- 2 days ago
I usually post and re blog very random photos (most of them are of spider-man; im a tad obsessed i know. I even have a onesie to prove it.) but for once I am going to post something coming from me.
And before you keep reading, this is not intended for people to take pity or feel bad; I take full responsibility for my actions and what I had done. So here I go.
These past couple of days, weeks, and months have been very taxing on my mind and the people around me; especially my family and friends. In the month of April driving to go to Wawa to get food for my roommates and myself, Little did I know that this drive was going to hinder my foreseeable future, and rightfully so. For those of you that don’t know, and about 4 people total know, I was arrested and convicted of a Driving Under the Influence charge. This is under no circumstances me bragging about this. When I was released from my stay in the slammer, I had to think quickly of how I could explain to a friend the reason why her car was not at school and was rather somewhere else. Instead of coming clean about it to the person and people whose car I had used, I decided to fabricate a story in fear of losing yet another friend because of my poor decisions that I had made, I did this so that my image wouldn’t be ruined nor would I have to explain that I was going to get food. For a while, the story stuck to the point where I even believed it. I was living a lie just to not lose a friend where probably if I had told the truth, would have happened anyways but I at least could have gone to sleep at night knowing that I was truthful and honest. When confronted with this lie, I tried to explain why I had come up with this story and that I was afraid of losing yet someone else close to me. It was a harsh reality check and one that I had taken and heeded the call of. Questions of other things such as relationships, loyalties in those relationships, and saying things I meant came into question. And before I continue, let me just say, with 100% honesty, that I say what I mean when it comes to relationships and not once have I been unfaithful to anyone that I have dated. That is one thing I know will never let occur and am grateful that my parents have brought me up on.
Okay, now that that little commercial break is done back to the purpose of this rant. I don’t want to lie anymore. To anyone. A little hard piece of advice and an old saying of lying just digs a hole, one that you may not be able to climb out of definitely came into light when I chose to lie about my incident. I lost people I cared about. and yes, if you are reading this, I still care about you and wish there was something I could do to show you how sorry I was for lying to you about this incident. Especially now since I heard you were back in the area. I have literally fought myself to not text and reach out to you because I am hoping that in time, you’ll maybe reach out to me or we can just have a civil conversation; not that I would deserve that much even from you.
I would rather be open and honest with people and if people want to leave or walk out of my life, then I will gladly hold the door. I need to find the principles and values that my family instilled upon me and regain and start trying to rebuild some friendships that I have broken. Even if that means taking and biting the bullet and hearing some unfriendly remarks which I will take and try to start new with. I believe that people deserve second chances; its definitely a principle i try to instill to my students when one causes a problem in the classroom.
So here I am people. I am starting over. No more lying, no more hiding. Here i am. Im alive and well, and ready to make things right with my friends, with you, and most of all, with myself.